


The Love Island AU

by imbackintime, Verayne



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, Domestic AU??, Honestly David's pictures of lockdown!Ten have so much to answer for..., Humour, M/M, and Donna has to keep pulling them for chats, experimental narrative, freeform storytelling, in which Donna and the Master get addicted to watching Love Island, the Doctor doesn't realise he's being coupled up with, the Master is trying to crack on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:53:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25015786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbackintime/pseuds/imbackintime, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verayne/pseuds/Verayne
Summary: A story told through DMs. No, literally. The authors were having a very innocent discussion about recent photos of lockdown!Ten and somehow it evolved into telling each other a fun story about domestic and dating ridiculousness between the Doctor, the Master, and a very long-suffering Donna...
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/The Master (Simm)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 43





	The Love Island AU

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the summary, this is a "live action" telling between myself and imbackintime ([veraynes-blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/veraynes-blog) and [imlowercasemad](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/imlowercasemad) respectively) which is complete silliness, but somehow, very organically, we managed to collaboratively tell a story start to finish with no forward planning or prompts - and I just think that's neat. 🙃 
> 
> I've edited out any off-topic personal messages that got peppered in, but everything else is an exact transcript, so expect some typos, rambling, the odd bit of text-speak, so many emojis, and (mostly my) casual swearing. This was honestly SO much fun, the only thing I've ever collaborated on, and I might think my co-author is one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to chat to 😂💖
> 
> Inspired, btw, by [this image](https://fuckyeahgoodomens.tumblr.com/post/621457587397902336/david-tennant-appeared-in-his-doctor-who-costume).

* * *

06/20/2020

**imlowercasemad**

And off topic but I definitely haven't been picturing Ten with THAT lockdown hair and silver fox Simm!Master with his dumb (hot 😩) guilty pleasure goatee running into each other in some timeline... absolutely not doing that 😩😩

**veraynes-blog**

Omfg the hair!! 😩💖 And the way your mind works!! Yes! It's absolutely one of those where they're not expecting to see each other and they've got completely poisonous history, but the moment they do there's that little pause, and then both sounding vaguely inconvenienced: "Ah fuck, I'm gonna sleep with him."

Alarmed companion: "You literally don't have to??"

Both, still annoyed about it: "No, I'm gonna."

**veraynes-blog**

That hair with the outfit is genuinely stunning though, I hope we see so much art and fic from it.

**imlowercasemad**

Yesssssss exactly about Ten and Simm!Master! 😩💖 Catch them trying to act like it's hate sex and not fooling anyone including each other 😂

And yes as much as the Master LOVES the hair he's gonna keep throwing quips about those extensions for at least a hundred years, he deserves that right

**veraynes-blog**

Omg this will be the only version of Ten I'm imagining for a while now, he's ruined me! Great headcanons though. The Master is absolutely in love with the hair and scruff, Ten loves the eyeliner and debonair look in return 😂 neither is willing to say as much, despite the fact they can't keep hands off each other.

**veraynes-blog**

They absolutely claim it's hate sex, except at some point it devolves into lounging about afterwards and the Master tries braiding it

**imlowercasemad**

Hahaha same!! That new pic of the full outfit is too much, like we needed more fuel anyway 😂 But he's so stunning!

I definitely see hate sex involving increasingly detailed insults about the lengths they each went to get such dramatic new looks until it's basically like getting hit with a hammer over how hot they think the other is lmao

**veraynes-blog**

M: That disaster hair really got away from you, didn't it.

D: You went grey...

M: You look like a scarecrow.

D: ...You went GREY.

M: *bit flustered, scathing* Yes, some of us decided to age gracefully, I see it's a foreign concept.

D: Are you wearing eyeliner..?

M: Oh for fuck's- You're walking round looking half feral and you have the nerve to comment on MY fashion sense?!

D: *also flustered, high pitched* No, no. Looks. Good. Looks alright, I mean. Just noticed. Gave up the toxic masculinity then?

M: ...It was only ever for dramatic effect.

D: Worked.

*Awkward silence.*

*Reluctant eye contact.*

*Slow head tilt towards the Tardis.*

M: ...Thought you'd never ask.

**imlowercasemad**

😂😂 L O V E!! Absolutely on point as always and I can hear it in their voices perfectly!

**imlowercasemad**

Of course the Doctor would be the first to break and let it slip that he LOVES the look, and after they hook up the Master would probably be about to give a begrudging compliment back when all of a sudden Ten's like, "Wait... So did you go out and buy the eyeliner yourself?" and the Master is forced to grab his stupid perfect hair and shut him up all over again because why does he like him again????

**veraynes-blog**

Yeah something about it is absolutely stuck in his brain, like he keeps trying to imagine the practicalities of the Master going into a shop or market to buy eyeliner and he just... can't. It's *fascinating*, he hates it.

Meanwhile the Master has discovered how pullable that hair is, both for unwholesome purposes and also desperately trying to drag him away from this line of thought because it's ruining his mystique, thank you very much.

06/21/2020

**imlowercasemad**

An entire DW episode where he tries to unravel whatever twisted plan the Master's up to on Earth now, only to end up following him to Sephora or wherever and watching as he charms the entire store 😂

**imlowercasemad**

"Like I would really bother with this forsaken planet anymore if it weren't the only place to get Thrive's eye pencil in Olive." 🙄

(Yes I maybe googled a random makeup brand)

**imlowercasemad**

Later on Ten works up the nerve to buy him something he knows would bring out his eyes and the Master makes a point of holding eye contact as he throws it out (but not before he mentally notes the brand and color lmao)

**veraynes-blog**

Omg that's such a cute take 😂 of course the Master would be a prick about it. It's a sticking point after that, Ten ends up like a slightly confused magpie or something, he keeps bringing home random bits of makeup hoping it will meet with approval this time. Every time the Master is basically that cat making eye contact as it pushes glasses off the counter. (He does indeed buy duplicates of the stuff he likes, Ten is too clueless to notice, this goes on for longer than they're willing to admit.)

**veraynes-blog**

The Master nearly laughs himself sick the first time he sees the Doctor in one of those little plasticky hairbands DT wears, which is done mostly in concession to the fact his hair gets in his eyes when he's messing with the Tardis engineering.

M: Why didn't you just cut it?

D: Not had anyone travel with me in a while.

M: .....Wait, that's why you pick up humans? You kept hairdressers ON STAFF?!?

**imlowercasemad**

Every time Ten points out something he bought him the Master breaks another one of his headbands 😂

I was just telling someone that as beautiful as the look is, it would never work with Ten constantly pushing it out of his face while he's running around yelling his impassioned speeches

**imlowercasemad**

And honestly just imagine him yelping, "That is NOT true! Humans are so much more clever than you give them credit for and they've jumped at the chance to see the universe. All right, and maybe it comes in handy that they can be especially resourceful as well, that's not my fault!"

"... I'm getting some scissors."

(He would never btw, he just likes watching Ten flail in panic. But he does set up a chart trying to figure out exactly which companions specialized in what types of personal grooming so he can keep throwing it in the Doctor's face lmao)

06/22/2020

**veraynes-blog**

Rose was his hairdresser because she loved his hair maybe more than he did. Martha was more pragmatic, she could mend clothes he ruined if he gave her sad puppy eyes while showing the rip in his coat. Donna told him to fuck off the one time he asked for her help, that's actually why they end up at that spa cuz he has to go looking for an actual haircut somewhere when it starts growing out as she's even more vicious in her mockery than the Master (literally nothing he could do would make her find him viably attractive, sorry Ten).

**veraynes-blog**

Also omg, I'm slightly in love with the image of him trying to do one of his furious, high-energy speeches and having to swipe his hair out of his face the entire time 😂

**veraynes-blog**

The Master also refuses to cut it for him on principle that would be far too helpful of him, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact he likes it like this, nothing at all

**imlowercasemad**

Omg I love this breakdown 😂 I can totally imagine Rose taking it as a personal challenge to find just the right product to use and Martha being completely exasperated that she's really doing this but going along with it anyway after he bats his lashes a few times shameless in the face of vanity, lol

**imlowercasemad**

I truly wish we had even more of Donna shading his style ("Oh, you got the same suit! Don't you ever change?") because their dynamic is incredible and tbh he kind of deserves it. Once Ten begrudgingly admits to the Master that Donna levelled a glare and tossed him out a window the first and only time he asked I can't help but headcanon he might entertain the idea of becoming friends with her 😂

The power they would wield against him... we're not ready for it, no one is

**veraynes-blog**

Donna was so good because yeah, agreed, Ten absolutely needed someone who would tell him bluntly when he was being a prick, but also unashamedly love him to bits, and she did both of those things. Like, she's the first one to call him out and toss insults about like confetti, but if someone else took exception she'd be the first to his defence with a throaty, "Oi!" 😂

I would pay actual money to have had Donna and the Master interact in canon. And yeah, I absolutely subscribe to the headcanon that she's one of the few humans he likes. She's a bit too moral for him, but honestly he respects the attitude and her willingness to fight god if she had to 😂 Also their joint roasting sessions of the Doctor have become elevated into an art form

**imlowercasemad**

Exactly!! 😂 She's completely allowed to tear him to shreds when necessary but that right is reserved for her and her alone. But it was nice to see someone challenge him because he moves in dark directions pretty quickly without that in his life.

**imlowercasemad**

I'd do almost anything to see the Master brush past Donna's more upstanding qualities (who needs those anyway) in admiration of her fiery personality, strength and complete shade of every move the Doctor's ever made. 😂 He decides they're friends and that's that, then calls her up whenever to bitch about the Doctor while she's like, "Sorry, WHO is this?? Well that's the response you're gonna keep getting if you don't stop calling or give this vibe of yours a rest because I don't know who you think is calling you THAT but it sure ain't me"

**veraynes-blog**

Omg I laughed out loud at the last bit 😂 She absolutely would scoff herself silly at him trying to get her to call him Master. And she's equally horrified when the Doctor does it. "Oi, will you two PLEASE keep it in the bedroom. I'm not judging, but I will NOT be involved in whatever weird alien mating rituals you've got going on."

"Donna, please, it's his NAME-"

**veraynes-blog**

She calls him Saxon in the end (not that she ever paid enough attention to recognise him as the PM, but he makes the mistake of telling the story one night and it sticks). The Master is not a fan of this particular throwback, but he can't get her to change her mind, and tbh he was sick of the cracks about kink and alien mating season every time he tried 🙄

**imlowercasemad**

Oh my gosh yes, she absolutely puts her hands over her ears like, "La la la la LA, don't need the details Spaceman! You have your fun on your own time", just making the biggest scene out of it while the Doctor's blushing so hard he's about to pass out and the Master's beaming, all, "Oh Doctor, I can't BELIEVE you weren't planning on introducing us!" 😂

**imlowercasemad**

Alternatively I was thinking of the Master arranging a meeting behind the Doctor's back. Eventually Donna mentions her new mate Harry that she ran into at the shops the other day and the Doctor trips over his feet in horrified realization, lol.

But it's too perfect that of course she wouldn't have paid any mind to the Saxon campaign and if anyone in the universe could bully him out of his title even for a while it's Donna Noble lmao.

06/23/2020

**veraynes-blog**

I love all of these headcanons 😂 we seem to have spawned an accidental AU based entirely on DT's lockdown look, I'm impressed

**imlowercasemad**

Not only is it a fun AU, it's correcting the outrageous wrong of the Master and Donna never interacting because I'm so sorry but we were robbed

**imlowercasemad**

Plus I would just appreciate seeing John Simm and Catherine Tate interact

**veraynes-blog**

So we have lockdown!Doctor, silver fox!Master, and their joint bff Donna 😅 By which I mean the woman who daily roasts them both alive and for some reason they thank her for it 😂

**imlowercasemad**

Truly can't think of a better combination, what a dream team 😂

**imlowercasemad**

Just imagine her trying to figure out just exactly what all their issues are, lmao. I can't imagine how many times she's been one on one with each of them like, "This AGAIN, you're just the same! Both of you!" before storming off not realizing that. That's it. That's the base of the issue but then she has to listen to them be all catty about how they certainly AREN'T the same THANK YOU all night when she just wants to watch a movie 😂

**veraynes-blog**

Omg 😂 Donna is literally the least qualified person to act as any kind of sensible therapist or couples’ counsellor, but look she's all they've got ok, everyone's making do. She's on her spa day with the Doctor and he won't stop going on about how the Master always thinks he's right and won't compromise, and he's ruining her massage with his bitching. She stalks back to the Tardis and is just settling in to watch Love Island with a wine, but oh, of course, here's the other one, sniping about the exact same thing and - fuck, she just missed what happened in the re-coupling 😒 This has to stop, or she's going to murder them both and take her chances with regeneration lottery tbh.

**imlowercasemad**

Donna has definitely given them the least qualified line about a hundred times since she came back to no avail, they're both secretly too happy to have a reason to talk about each other nonstop. (Cue the montage of her every waking moment being ruined by these idiots pining 😂)

**imlowercasemad**

Bonus points if she's about to snap when the Master magically ends up addicted to Love Island too (as one does) and instead she ends up promising to share her wine ("I said ONE glass mister, don't push it") if they can have a girls night when it's on instead of talking about the Doctor every. single. minute. Which they totally do while the Doctor wonders what his life has become

06/24/2020

**veraynes-blog**

I'm having Rhys-like visions of sitting round in dressing gowns and face masks getting far too invested in what's happening in The Villa. They watch way too much and start running out of series, so they just keep time-jumping forward a few years for the next one. The Doctor's infuriated, won't stop going on about how this is an unauthorised and undignified use of his time machine, thank you (also he can't figure out why the Tardis isn't stopping them, he's programmed it twice now!)

He tries to join them at some point to try and figure out what the appeal is, but he's so utterly baffled by real flirting and sex and casual relationships that he just Cannot Get It. He asks so many questions and starts so many high-pitched diatribes on human vapidity that he gets bodily kicked out. Also he didn't like the face mask stuff, it got in his hair. 🙃

**veraynes-blog**

This prompts another rant from the Master after he's gone about how the Doctor wouldn't recognise flirting or sex appeal or attraction if it came up and stabbed him (an interesting take on the usual metaphor, but whatever) and how can anyone be that dense. Donna's internally screaming at the blind irony, outwardly settles for downing her third wine and trying to get him back on Love Island gossip

**imlowercasemad**

Rhys is basically Harold Saxon after leaving office so that tracks 😂 Also max points x infinity for the Tardis getting in on the Love Island action, lmao

The Doctor keeps throwing scandalized glares at the control panel 🤣

**imlowercasemad**

I'm crying trying to imagine the Doctor figuring out even one Love Island relationship ("What? WHAT???") while Donna and the Master are on their third bottle of wine completely talking over him about Rebecca stealing Luke T or something, lol

I also love the idea of him even being hopeless at skin treatments and the Master sitting there wondering how this beautiful idiot managed to survive on Earth for so long while Donna's just furious he used up like half the jar

**imlowercasemad**

Oh the Master totally ends up projecting through the entire series to the point that Donna starts loudly pointing it out ("Well that tit's spent about an hour fixing his hair before the recoupling so we know who you'd choose" 🙄🙄 "A couple ignoring each other even though they live about 50ft apart, HAVEN'T SEEN THAT BEFORE") in the hopes that the show becomes their new relationship counsellor 😂

06/25/2020

**veraynes-blog**

This is the best take on domestic AU, I'm so entertained 😂 we're so funny.

Omg I can hear his ridiculous "WOT!" squawk as he tries to get his brain around all the casual affairs and betrayals he's watching. "How is this entertainment?? This is emotional sadism, what kind of sociopaths watch this for FUN -" (Donna and the Master are just looking over at him blandly, in their matching robes and slippers and face masks, waiting for the penny to drop.)

**veraynes-blog**

The Master fancies the only skinny brunette guy in there and she nearly flips her shit. Are you kidding? Are you serious??? How can anyone be this obvious and not even know it themselves. (Cackling at the idea of her trying to draw parallels with the show in the hope he finally Gets It. Can't decide if the Master is arrogantly oblivious, or knows exactly what she's getting at but is massively enjoying torturing her with his apparent cluelessness. Possibly a combination of both 😅)

**veraynes-blog**

Also I imagine at some point the Doctor would get pouty and jealous of all the time they're spending together (especially since he's not allowed to join anymore after the face mask incident). Donna says they have to spend time with him too, it's only fair. She suffers through letting him put on some science documentary or something, nods encouragingly as he rambles about all the mistakes in it. The Master, less experienced in making An Effort, is just like, "Do you.... do you wanna help me build this laser weapon, or..?"

**imlowercasemad**

Agreed! This is ridiculous amounts of fun 😂

**imlowercasemad**

Lol at the Doctor trailing off in horror at the realization that he's the only one not into it. That prompts a haughty (and somewhat defensive) rant of, "Well, I wouldn't say you're the paragon of dating standards either but -" that's interrupted by two glasses of wine being thrown at him ("DONNA!") and Donna throwing them both out because okay, maybe she jumped to conclusions but she's determined to get through at least one re-coupling in peace 😩

**imlowercasemad**

They take off down the hall in a shouting match that leads to a make out session in the kitchen never spoken of again (which the Master belatedly realizes mirrors a scene from one of last week's episodes). He keeps that detail to himself but Donna takes one look at them in the morning, sighs loudly and throws her cereal bowl down in favor of another glass of wine

**imlowercasemad**

I'd love to think the Master has a bit of a clue but in this situation... all bets are off 😂

**imlowercasemad**

But for sure Donna makes a point to spend equal time with the Doctor (banana smoothies every Tuesday morning, one documentary of his choice, and exactly two hours a week of listening to him complain aka pine about the Master)

**imlowercasemad**

The Master ends up alternating between breaking random things around the Tardis to have an excuse to hang around him ("Oh, because that's so much easier than TALKING to him you big space ninny") or just walking over like, "So... I threw out your entire closet. We should probably go shopping later?" and actually Donna can't bring herself to be too mad about that one 😅

**veraynes-blog**

Your Donna voice is so on point 😂😂 I can hear it every time.

Of course they have an angry make out session after an argument about Love Island, seems legit. I'm thinking at this point they're not in any kind of settled agreement or relationship or anything, just occasional angry sexual encounters, but somehow and for some reason the Master just seems to have... taken up residence? So has Donna. It's not discussed, really. The Doctor doesn't want to ask direct questions in case they leave.. 😕

Donna's developing a slight drinking problem in direct response to their unfathomable obliviousness 😅 Between them they maybe have the vast, collective knowledge of the universe under one roof - and she could break them with one sing-song rendition of "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" 🎶😂

**veraynes-blog**

Love the idea of her really holding him to that two hour time limit on complaining/pining 😅 One week she stops him dead mid-sentence and tells him sorry he's over limit, he's going to have to hold that thought. (She's not expecting him to plonk himself down on the couch next to her four days later and resume equally mid-sentence exactly where he left off. She nearly screams into a cushion.)

**veraynes-blog**

The day the Master breaks the air filters to force the Doctor to spend time fixing them with him, she realises she probably shouldn't have set this in motion without some kind of guidelines.

"What is actually wrong with you??!"

"What, he was getting through kitchen appliances too fast - I mean -"

"Go on a date. Just. PLEASE. Go on a date, I'm begging you."

**veraynes-blog**

(That's how the clothes shopping suggestion comes about. She didn't say he had to TELL the Doctor it was a date.)

**imlowercasemad**

Taking that amazing compliment! I adore Donna 😅😂

**imlowercasemad**

The Master keeps smirking at the irony of it all (and copying a few more Love Island scenes because hey, he's getting results here) while the Doctor continues to be as clueless as ever, lol

**imlowercasemad**

Donna doesn't think there's any confusion on her end since she wheeled in with five suitcases and if the Doctor didn't pick up on that he's more hopeless than she thought, but she didn't realize the Master had nothing of his own ("THAT'S why you never change that awful hoodie? Well I don't know anything about alien mating rituals, it's been two weeks so I thought by now maybe adding color would spook him off" 🙄)

(He convinces her the clothes shopping would be an official date in exchange for never hearing the words 'alien mating ritual" again)

**imlowercasemad**

Omg I love the idea of the Doctor picking up EXACTLY where he left off, only he brought additional notes on his point since he had the time to regather his thoughts. She does end up asking the Tardis for a sealed off room to scream in and learns it's best for everyone to bend the rule so he can finish his thought 😂

**imlowercasemad**

Btw she also waits by the door for them to get back from their "date", fingers crossed they made things official but the Doctor storms in alone with a 30% tighter wardrobe and 50% worse mood because the Master may have tried to engineer a slight hostile takeover while he was trying on dress shirts 😅

06/26/2020

**veraynes-blog**

Love the idea of the Master purposely copying Love Island tactics once he realises it's sort of working 😅 It's both a little pathetic and oddly charming for someone trying to figure out the very basics of dating. After a while Donna cottons on to what he's doing and has the time of her life trolling him. Because the Doctor doesn't watch the show he remains oblivious, meanwhile the Master's trying to get his attention and Donna's just in the background like, "Go on, pull him for a chat!" *wolf whistle*

The Master wants to die of shame a little bit.

**veraynes-blog**

Omfg "I thought adding colour would maybe spook him off." 😂😂😭 She's absolutely fallen into the mindset of watching them like a David Attenborough documentary tbh. Her biggest struggle is trying to separate what weirdness comes from them being aliens, and which comes from them both being genuine trashfire disaster people.

**veraynes-blog**

The clothes shopping is... weird, for all parties. For one thing, the Master ends up replacing his own wardrobe to keep on the Tardis, which kind of sort of carries with it the implication that he's sticking around for a while? He wasn't exactly intending that when they ran into each other, this was supposed to be casual hate sex and a bit of hair pulling and he could be on his way. He's not entirely sure how it got to this point, he feels vaguely tricked. (The hostile takeover is to make himself feel better - you know, like he's not gone completely soft? Sometimes you just need the ego boost.)

Meanwhile, the Doctor wasn't expecting to have quite as much genuine fun doing something as mundane as clothes shopping with someone he hates (this is before he had to put down a minor violent uprising, obvs). Seriously, for a second there he'd thought they'd had like... a moment? There was definitely some lingering eye contact while buttoning dress shirts. (He should know, they usually avoid eye contact at all costs, especially during incidents of... hair pulling.)

**veraynes-blog**

When they get back and Donna manages to translate their screaming match into what actually happened, she just KNOWS this is going to require so much more wine…

**veraynes-blog**

(This is absolutely called the Love Island AU in my head now btw 😅😂)

**imlowercasemad**

Ahhh the Love Island AU, 💖 that. We've got galaxy brain levels of thought going on right now 🤣

**imlowercasemad**

Yeah, exactly! In his delight that the Doctor isn't allowed to watch Love Island anymore, vulnerable to any and all terrible pick up lines, the Master kind of forgets that Donna... is very much still watching and she laughs so hard she cries once she realizes out what he's doing

**imlowercasemad**

Also now you have me thinking about Catherine Tate doing her Lauren character but instead of "Can I ask you a question though???" it's Donna trolling the Master with, "Can I pull ya for a chat? Just a quick chat, yeah? Sorry to interrupt, really thought you had time for a chat 😂😏" while the Doctor squints suspiciously because sadly the Master DID pull him for a chat (sex behind the control room) last week 😒

("What do you want, you're ruining this for me!" "Oh ruining what, was he about to get a text?" "... Shut up.")

**imlowercasemad**

Omg, the documentary mindset 😂 By now she has a notebook full of things she's written in code trying to figure out what exactly their deal is (there may be charts and at least one graph involved), but all signs tragically point toward failure on alien AND person in general fronts

**imlowercasemad**

Oh I adore the idea of the Master coming back with this full luxury wardrobe and realizing it shows all his cards of moving in 😅 (btw, the Doctor is obviously as clueless to notice this as he was about Donna staying). But yeah, they were having a whole moment, eye contact, romantic 90s song playing in the background, leaning in, and naturally the Master panicked and ran off to center himself by causing a bit of a stir, it wasn't even THAT big of a deal, sheesh.

Donna's stuck trying to decide if alcohol poisoning is less painful than listening to them separately dramatize this trip 😩

06/27/2020

**veraynes-blog**

Ok I don't know what about it got me so hard but the mental image of Donna doing her repeated, monotone, "Can I pull ya for a chat though," routine sets me off every time I picture it 😂😂😭 That is, indeed, galaxy brain thinking right there.

(Honestly Donna's usual levels of obliviousness are what's letting her get away with this amount of sass, she's failed entirely to pick up on how dangerous the Master really is, and that anyone else in their right mind wouldn't be purposely provoking him. As it happens this is actually part of why he's decided she's his new bestie, it's kind of refreshing to have someone not be tentative around him, and match his force of personality. Also the "girls nights" help.)

**veraynes-blog**

She says she's "helping" him facilitate this whole Love Island courting technique he's clearly going for. He's right in the middle of leaning in flirtatiously with the Doctor pinned against the kitchen counter or something when their phones go off like _really fucking loudly_ (how did she even do that) and the mood is a bit ruined by the Doctor squinting curiously at his phone like, "...Why is Donna texting me rhyming dares about making dinner? Do you - I don't - I can... take us to get chips...?"

**veraynes-blog**

When she realises the full extent of their unhealthy dynamic she goes on like a 40 minute rant at the Master. "What do you MEAN you're boffing him on the regular but you can't go on one bloody date?!? Do you... god I can't believe I'm having this conversation... Have you even snogged? Oh my GOD you're awful people, I can't do this. Pass me that bottle."

**veraynes-blog**

From then on, god knows how, she finds herself in a strange little conspiracy with the Master, both of them trying to figure out how he transitions this into something a bit more... acceptable? All while navigating his obscure rules that, no, OF COURSE he can't just ASK, that would be ADMITTING to something, is she thick?? And obviously also navigating the Doctor's emotional obliviousness (who has yet to even realise they're both comfortably living aboard his Tardis for the foreseeable, let alone that the Master might actually want to DATE him beyond casual sex.)

This was not the life she was promised travelling space, playing matchmaker to her two Time Losers and developing a drinking problem.

**imlowercasemad**

I'm obsessed with the idea of the Master being hatefully gleeful about how casual Donna is around him, swooping in and stealing his toast in the morning or cutting into stories about his previous times on Earth like, "I'm supposed to believe YOU were Prime Minister? You thought one of my bath bombs was edible and I spent good money on that!"

"Then don't leave them in the kitchen! I didn't know they made minis and I bought you new ones, I have better things to do than keep up on every vapid Earth trend 😒 He's probably done the same thing!"

**imlowercasemad**

The Doctor's facepalming (because okay, he has and because maybe this is getting a bit out of hand?) "Donna, look, I'm... glad you two are getting along, really I am, but you have to know that he did try to end the human race. Er, multiple times, actually."

"Well maybe if SOMEONE showed him around Earth a bit more often 🙄 A little sightseeing never hurt anyone, Doctor."

"I- That's not, I mean. Look. You're completely missing the point."

"Am I? He's certainly not seeking world domination before the finale airs next week, is he?"

**imlowercasemad**

That stupid text noise is going to haunt the Master's nightmares but Donna insists they owe her some real food and the Tardis has conveniently emptied the kitchen so time for another shopping date. It's exactly like those scenes in the show where the guys wander around a grocery store like they've never been in one before except in this case that hits a little too close to home 😂

**imlowercasemad**

There's suggestive flirting over bananas and when they get back they get a pass for buying four bags of candy and a tomato because, "You're BLUSHING, please PLEASE tell me you finally made a move" only to have a full breakdown ("I'm being punked, aren't I? I'm being space punked.") when the Master beams that the only reason he bought the tomato was so that their hands could touch while picking out a nice one.

**imlowercasemad**

I L O V E the idea of his obscure rules of what he will and will not say/do regarding the Doctor, like fine I'll try and hint at a compliment tomorrow but only if I get to delete one of his shows off the DVR, I don't want him thinking I'm paying THAT much attention. Donna is in physical pain at this point.

Meanwhile the Doctor is discreetly trying to figure out what other reality shows are "the rage" so he can tempt them into starting a new series therefore solving this whole living situation with as little conversation as possible

06/28/2020

**veraynes-blog**

Omfg at the bath bomb thing, I'm dying 😂😅 also I cannot emphasise enough how pitch perfect, "Well he's certainly not seeking world domination before the series finale airs, is he??" is for everyone involved there 😂💖

Their friendship is weirdly pure. He thinks she's bloody funny (although his new mission in life is never to let on or laugh when she's trying to be) and he likes that she comfortably yells at him and she's got damn good taste in TV shows. Meanwhile her brain completely rejects both the image of him as mass murderer AND charming, competent prime minister. Nope, as far as she's concerned, she's somehow adopted another moron alien child in need of supervision half the time.

(This is only confirmed when she keeps finding out shit like he thinks teletubbies are a real species. When she's done weeping with mocking laughter, she gently explains they are not, in fact, a kind of animal with cable channels built in, roaming the scenic hills of Britain or whatever. ....Ninja turtles, though, those fucks are real.)

**veraynes-blog**

The Master has never been in a supermarket in his LIFE, what is this surreal hell. What do you mean he has to walk round shoulder to shoulder with these unwashed poor people? They just... leave food on display like that, for people to poke at and walk off with?? What the FUCK is self-service and why won't it scan his fucking item?? NO he does NOT have ID for the wine because he's fucking 937, you can just tap "visibly over 18" on your little machine there, Susan.

(It would have been a full Incident tbh, but he got distracted by the Doctor putting a hand on his waist while stepping in to talk to the Tesco lady and defuse the argument. She still confiscated the wine off them, but she did help them scan through their 29 bags of sweets and 1 tomato.)

**veraynes-blog**

.......they had to phone Donna on the Tardis and get her to come pay, though.

**veraynes-blog**

Yeah, she sits down with him finally to hash out these obscure rules so she knows what she's working with. "Let's see if I've got this. You're in no way willing to concede, confirm, or at all verbally indicate that you like him."

"Right."

"Any nice thing done for or to him should be, a) denied or hidden if possible, b) played down if not, and c) equalised by some petty act of spite so he never guesses you might like him."

"Yup."

"And the sex, that's in no way a bit of a give away that you like him?"

"...Not the way we do it..."

"OH mY gOd please SHUT UP!"

**veraynes-blog**

The Doctor's in his room happily googling reality tv shows while this is happening. He quite likes the cooking ones, actually, but he (rightly) guesses there's not enough drama for the other two. He's completely bemused by Naked Attraction, and a bit mentally scarred from going down a rabbit hole of weird Channel 4 documentaries about British kink. Ex on the Beach looks like it has a similar format but with... more violence... which admittedly the Master might love. Anyway, he has several options researched and ready to go if it looks like they're getting bored and thinking about leaving any time soon, he's quite pleased with himself. 😊

(On a personal note, just completely outing my trash taste in TV for the sake of this story! 😅)

**imlowercasemad**

That's the perfect depiction of the Master and Donna's relationship. 😂 The Doctor keeps trying to gently warn her of his typical behavior (he wants them to be friends, adores that the Master sees the same spark in Donna that he does, but he feels obligated to fill her in on the whole picture), while Donna rolls her eyes and tries to patiently explain that he and the Master are the same sort of walking disaster whether he likes it or not and plus, she's not going to be afraid of someone who gave her the best manicure of her life last week.

**imlowercasemad**

Omg yes at Donna finding out about his secret fascination with the Teletubbies 😂😂 His defense is that they're relaxing to watch and that combined with him thinking they were real makes her swear on her life to protect him at all costs. (Also he'd like to know more about these reptiles, are they available for hire?)

**imlowercasemad**

Omfg at him getting carded for the wine 🤣 and everything about the trip, really, I adore the idea of him getting increasingly horrified by the everyday human experience

**imlowercasemad**

"You're telling me every piece of food on this planet has been groped by countless greasy, disgusting, human hands? As if everything I knew about the monotony of mortal existence could be worse, don't expect me to eat a single thing that isn't already on board the Tardis."

"Well-"

"Donna, no, I'm begging you, don't."

"We were all thinking it anyway but oh all right 🙄🙄"

**imlowercasemad**

The perfection of those rules, I'm crying! 😩😂 Plus that conversation leads to Donna running around the room with her hands over her ears trying to block out the Master telling her random details about their sex life. Once again the Doctor is too busy watching reality show trailers to pick up on this but he's convinced he has a solid plan to keep them around through next year and by then they'll forget they need to be anywhere else 😅

**imlowercasemad**

Tbh trash TV is life 💯 (Masterchef AU? Perfect)

06/29/2020

**veraynes-blog**

I love Masterchef, it's my comfort TV tbh. Honestly most cooking shows. (The Master discovering Gordon Ramsey though...😬)

**veraynes-blog**

The Master seems to have surgically separated her from the rest of humanity in his head, tbh. He'll go on a twenty minute rant about the aforementioned greasy, disgusting, stupid little alien species while doing Donna's manicure. The Doctor, watching and vaguely concerned, is like, "Aren't you offended by that? I can ask him to stop-"

The Master jabs an emery board at him before he can finish the thought. "Careful, pinstripes. She's got more brains than you can hope for, I won't have you lumping her in with the dross." Donna looks shocked and touched, if a little confused. The Doctor's just spluttering helplessly, because wait how is HE the bad guy here??

**veraynes-blog**

He likes all kids cartoons tbh, both Donna and the Doctor are astonished and slightly horrified as it dawns on them he's not taking the piss. The younger the target audience and more stupid the design, the better. Like, tbf, they're pretty sure he's not getting the intended experience out of them. He watches them like he's having a psychedelic experience, zoned out and relaxed and completely fascinated by whatever brightly coloured puppet creature is prancing about on screen.

Donna, snapping the TV off after his third episode of Sesame Street, "Nope. No. Done now. You are *freaking us out*."

"I wasn't done -"

"Oh you are so done. Look, we're on a new planet, the Doctor already left. Go play outside!"

**veraynes-blog**

She absolutely can't sit through another episode of kids TV, so she may have talked the Doctor into picking somewhere nice and slightly date-like. Third time lucky, right? It's going to happen this time, she's sure of it.

As it happens, she's so sure because during their Tuesday banana smoothie session this week, the Doctor finally broke and asked her for advice on how to get someone to like you. As in, like-like you, you know? Donna had mostly just stared at him in increasingly devastated disbelief, as it occurred to her she's now in the position of playing couples' therapist to two people who not only want to date each other but won't say, but who are also effectively already dating and don't know.

**veraynes-blog**

(The smoothie session was a whole Ordeal btw, mostly because before it the Master had informed her the Doctor was into being choked during sex, and it's now genuinely quite painful trying to make eye contact like she doesn't have this cursed knowledge and he innocently messes about with a bendy straw like he's not a massive deviant on the sly.)

**veraynes-blog**

Anyway, this third date, this is the one. They're both coming round to the idea, both asking for advice, they're totally ready. She'll kill them if not.

**imlowercasemad**

The Master would LOVE Gordon Ramsay until both Donna and the Doctor point out how similar they are in personality (the angry, screaming front he puts on in the States, the competent instruction in the UK, and the ultra soft support he gives kids on Masterchef Junior), then he gets into such a mood not wanting to talk about it they don't bring it up again 😞

**imlowercasemad**

That's too true about him considering Donna a separate entity at this point, and he smugly rubs it in the Doctor's face at every moment to his dismay, lol. ("Donna, humans are marvels!" "Well I didn't say I MIND the experience, but being considered in the same lot as Nerys doesn't inspire confidence, does it?")

**imlowercasemad**

No matter what she says the Doctor never truly believes she's comfortable with it until one day he walks in on them making dinner, the Master ranting about finding a way to shop without running into some sniveling human trying to make small talk that he has to storm off from and Donna doesn't miss a beat jumping in with scathing remarks about how if you think that's bad try getting stuck behind someone walking too slowly the second you make your escape and he backs out of the room like 😬😬

**imlowercasemad**

Imagine seeing David and Catherine acting out another mime scenario as they simultaneously realize cartoons are his zen 😂😂

But seriously, the extra ingredient in their smoothies this Tuesday is her tears because this. is. happening. Finally. "I swear, we are stopping for a long weekend visit with my mother if you don't take him somewhere that invokes a date night on first glance, I'm not even assuming to know what either of you like at this point, just DO. IT."

**imlowercasemad**

The poor Doctor is oblivious to the Master scandalizing Donna with details of their sex life and she's trying to keep it that way but it's unfortunately his new favorite form of entertainment. She's getting ice cream and sees him waggling his eyebrows at the chocolate syrup, the jar of cherries, and yeah, that's all going in the trash asap you jerk 😒 He starts trying it on various major food groups just to see how far he can take it and because he's curious to see her retaliate

06/30/2020

**veraynes-blog**

Omfg the Gordon Ramsey parallel though 😅 that's genius and delightful on so many levels, I just.

**veraynes-blog**

Seriously, no one has more ammunition on why they're ashamed of the human race than an actual human, sometimes. ("Listen, there's only so much you can consider us 'marvels' and 'wonders' after you've been on a few Friday nights out and watched Nerys get sick in a post box.")

**veraynes-blog**

Oh to solve his new supermarket phobia btw she introduces him to online shopping. Big mistake. The Doctor is sick of answering the Tardis door to confused amazon delivery drivers wondering why the former PM is getting a waffle maker delivered to a phone box on Regent Street. (He has to use his Harold Saxon name, it's the only one he's got bank details in, and Donna said he couldn't use her amazon account because she doesn't trust him not to order weird shit in her name.)

**veraynes-blog**

The Doctor's sheer astonishment at realising he even HAS a zen, though 😂 this changes everything! They absolutely resort to miming their shared incredulity as they watch him watching Spongebob or something. Again, they don't realise for a while that the episode's finished and he's left them to it like he just assumes this is a normal means of communication for them.

**veraynes-blog**

She realises immediately that she can't retaliate by scandalising him in the same way. For one, she's blessed not to know those kind of sordid details about the skinny streak of nothing she never even wants to picture in a sexual context. And secondly, it's not like the Master would so much as bat an eye at that anyway.

It does occur to her, though, that he's touchy and particular over the fact he has a crush. And really, let's face it, this is EMBARRASSING levels of crush. Not only that, but it's on the DOCTOR, of all people, is he sure?? The man who last week got lost in his own Tardis? The man who once asked her how she pronounces 'epitome' because he's only ever seen it written down and he has the sinking feeling he's been saying it wrong for 300+ years? Really??

Anyway yeah, every time he inflicts obscene knowledge on her in a moment of over-sharing, she reminds him in graphic detail about the last time the Doctor did something dumb and cute and horribly precious, and laughs at him for being morosexual.

They both really hate this game, actually, but it's a matter of pride now.

**veraynes-blog**

Ok. So this date. Let's do this.

**veraynes-blog**

It's got to be something the Master would consider romantic, right? Which is, frankly, easier said than done, because the Doctor isn't actually willing to take him to any active warzones or sites of mass destruction or anything. The only other idea that springs immediately to mind when he tries to consider the Master and romantic is like... he's not sure, a BDSM party or something?? But he doesn't think he's quite ready for that, and really he wouldn't know where to find one anyway.

So he's going to have to be creative about this. He's been watching a stream of crap reality dating shows for his "research", he can do this.

It starts with paintball shooting. The Master is NOT sold on the premise, honestly, offering scathing commentary on his fake plastic gun and that he's wearing his good coat, why exactly is he wasting his time indulging this again? But the Doctor insists. He's thought it through. He's not willing to put a real weapon in his hands, but this gives all the vicarious thrill of the Master getting to hunt him down and show off his skill with a gun. (He'd initially considered laser tag, actually, but if he's being honest he didn't trust the Master not to modify the lasers.)

He wishes he could say he let the other Time Lord win the game... but actually it's a very thorough and painful reminder of why he's glad they're on a truce of some sort at the moment. He's going to be covered in bruises and it's RUINED his hair, and for his own efforts the Master has a single splash of yellow on the edge of his coat, and that was only because he was momentarily distracted laughing too hard.

**veraynes-blog**

If he's following the format the reality shows used, food comes next. Somewhere nice for dinner and conversation. Except that presents another problem, because as they learned from Tesco misadventures the Master hates crowds and being in that kind of close proximity to random humans, so a restaurant is out of the question.

He takes him to one of those charming, quiet sweet shops that have all the random choices you don't see anymore and the luxury chocolates and the drinks that probably have illegal sugar and chemical content. The Master loves it.

**veraynes-blog**

And then the finale. After-dinner drinks, the format he's imitating says should be next. Although if he's going to get it perfect, this one involves a quick jump in the Tardis (and yes he's a massive hypocrite who's also using time travel for mundane purposes, shut up) to 2018, back when the British public were so obsessed with Love Island that the finale episodes got aired live in bars across the country 🙃

He's making an effort, okay?? He still doesn't get the appeal, but he'll sit through it and fetch drinks and he'll keep his rants about emotional sadism to himself. (Might even find himself a bit caught up in who wins, tbh.) The point is, it's as close to 'romance' as he knows how to do from his (admittedly limited) self-learning on the subject.

It's a bit pathetic to realise how much he wants it to have worked...

**imlowercasemad**

I have such a soft spot for the Master being really touchy about anyone (the Doctor) trying to point out that he's not the evil person he wants to project. It's no one's business, and you know what? Whether that's the case or not, what he wants to be is a complete bastard and you're gonna like him as is or deal because it's fun and after all he's been through he has that right.

**imlowercasemad**

The Master online shopping and sending everything to the Tardis 🤣 He makes 10 waffles for dinner ("Brinner! It's what all the kids are doing these days"), gets the Doctor added to junk catalogue mailing lists, and realizes he can order things as a gift and have them mailed under Donna's name anyway but he's saving that one for a rainy day.

Also I'm losing it at him naturally assuming the Doctor and Donna communicate through mime on the regular plus the fact that honestly they're all morosexuals 😂😂

**imlowercasemad**

Btw my jaw dropped at the utter perfection starting the date with paintball would be! I also have a fantastic mental picture of the Doctor coming out of each stop more and more worse for wear but soldiering on and the Master just like, starry eyed with love for the beautiful chaos of the date and for completely breaking him lmao

**imlowercasemad**

(Also I've never officially written anything and therefore have no concept of endings aside from rambling through details for eternity 😅) B u t as the show ends and they're quietly sitting at the bar pretending like they aren't secretly rooting for this showmance, the Doctor (eyes on his cosmo because yeah, still a little bit of a coward) nudges his shoulder and asks if he might, y'know, be interested in. That.

**imlowercasemad**

"...In what?"

"You know. What they did. Have. All of it."

"The chance to choose fifty thousand pounds over you in front of the entire country? Where can I sign?"

"You know that's not what I -", but then he sighs and looks so sad that the Master takes pity on him and says that yeah, he knows what he meant.

**imlowercasemad**

And he knows their history doesn't really lend to being upfront but he could feel what he meant in every stop he took him on today. On this date. This official date, that he does very much want to be on, hopefully the first of many and thank you for making him spell everything out as usual 😩

**veraynes-blog**

Ok, so I literally put my hands over my face and made a frankly very embarrassing high-pitched sound at how disgustingly sweet that little verbal exchange was. The Doctor staring at his drink. The little shoulder nudge. "You know... That." 😩💔 I'm dying here.

So, the date's a... success? He's not sure he believes it, really. He's half waiting for the Master to laugh, or sneer, or tell him he didn't mean it, it was just the cocktails talking. Even if he doesn't, the Doctor's not entirely clear on what this changes between them. They're already having sex, after all. It finally hits home that they're already living together in the same Tardis, even! But it kind of feels different, now. Sort of.

He's still trying to figure out what he's supposed to do about that as they trail back into the Tardis for the night. It's only as they step into the control room and hover awkwardly that it finally dawns on him. Oh. They haven't ever really kissed.

**veraynes-blog**

He can see them both realise it at the same moment, the hesitancy of it. 'Soft' or 'affectionate' are not exactly things he associates with the Master, but it's what this particular moment feels like. They do the whole edging closer, nervous teenage thing, and frankly the Master looks ready to bolt at any sudden movement.

So it has to be him that takes the risk, and steps forward, and kisses him. His hearts are flying and he holds his breath and, really, how is this more terrifying and intimate than sex?? But it is, and it's also the best thing ever when he feels the Master finally move to sink his hands in his hair and hold him in place to be thoroughly kissed.

**veraynes-blog**

Of course, that's the moment Donna gets home from her mum's and walks in on them. And she's THRILLED they've finally caught a clue, don't get her wrong, but that's not going to stop her putting on the most bored expression she can dredge up and loudly clearing her throat because they're blocking the bloody door, actually.

"So we're clear, congratulations, but I don't want to watch you swapping spit over breakfast every morning and you keep it PG-13 in shared spaces. Yeah?"

"...Do you want to tell her about that time in the kitchen or should -"

"SeRioUsLy?!"

She doesn't murder them, but it's a close thing, and she has to leave them to it to go calm down. (And to let them get the snogging out of their system tbh.) Mum recommended a new trash TV show to her, and with them occupied she might actually get to watch this one in peace.

**imlowercasemad**

Much love for her being so excited that they're too busy snogging to interrupt her (and that they're happy, that too) before realizing that watching TV is kind of lame without the Master's running commentary and stealing him back

**imlowercasemad**

It's a whole true love's kiss situation that they're completely into, swept up in each other and oblivious to the world. As touched as Donna was for them now she keeps wandering back in holding a wineglass like, "We've established that I'm thrilled you morons worked this out, but it's been an hour? I've already stopped by twice, you have to come up for air eventually. Or wait, do you though? Is that another secret alien skill? Anyway, Ex on the Beach starts in ten minutes and I know how testy you get when I don't remind you."

(The Master leaves the Doctor standing there all dazed and swoony to go watch, obviously 😂 )


End file.
